Where Did Da Missing Pages From Da Super-Secret Plan Go?

(a parody of da Corzine “Hike da tolls 800% + plan)

As we all know by now, New Jersey’s amazingly out-of-touch Governator Toll-Troll Corzine has decided da best way to handle a near-bankrupt state is to not cut da spending, but instead force everyone to pony up more money to pay for da politician’s spending sprees.

As daTruthSquad discovered, thanks to da Star Ledger, while Middlesex and Monmouth Counties will pay 29% of da 800% toll increases according to EZ Pass records as shown by da Star Ledger, residents of Salem, Sussex & Warren County will shoulder a combined 0.8% of da toll hikes!

Now, daTruthSquad and da TruthTellers got wind of some other ways Toll Troll Corzine had to fix da state’s budget woes. That information was smuggled out of Trenton and found its way into da hands of daTruthSquad. Let’s see what ideas Toll-Troll Corzine decided to not use:

** A special tax on Republicans. It was proposed that any registered GOP’ers would have to pay an extra 2% of their income, but since there aren’t that many GOP’ers, da idea was scrapped.

** Selling da naming rights of all NJ roads. It would have happened, until da folks at a certain Chocolate company demanded to rename Route 1 “Da Hershey Highway.”

** Selling da naming rights to state politicians. While da Toll-Troll administration had no problems with with a billionaire paying to rename Assemblyman Declan O’Candidate “Dork-lan,” da idea was scrapped when a rich member of Gay Women’s Alliance wanted to rename Senator Ray Lesniak “Les-bian,” and a rich GOP’er wanted to rename Governor Corzine “Pathological Liar.”

** Da Bush Administration put da brakes on a proposal to sell da naming rights to da state. It was feared “Western Saudi Arabia” would not sell well with da state’s Jewish community.

** There were rumors of placing a tax on using bathrooms on da Jersey toll roads and adding a “surcharge” for da use of toilet paper. That idea got flushed.

** A proposal was made to “surcharge” anyone convicted of a crime and have the criminal pay all court costs. That was defeated unanimously by Democrats fearing individually they may have to burden most of that tax.

** There was another proposal to tax anyone who was simply arrested for no reason. Republicans demanded that be removed, as it would be unfair to Steve Lonegan.

** There was a proposal for a “Birth Tax” on anyone being born in New Jersey. However, NJ hospitals feared they would lose patients to out-of-state hospitals, and da Democrats feared da next step would be a new “Death Tax.”

** Unbeknownst to Democratic leaders, Corzine also had in his super-secret plans a “Death Tax.” It would tax anyone who died in NJ. When Democrats got wind of that idea, they feared it would include politicians who were “dead-up-from-da-neck-up,” so it was dead on arrival.

Other ideas included a special “surcharge” for anyone named “Steve Lonegan,” demanding anyone not working a state job or receiving state benefits pay an extra $2,500 per year just to live in NJ, and a special tax on anyone making over $15 per hour, unless they voted Democrat in the past 2 elections.

There were also a couple of other proposals that were mysteriously not in da Corzine “Super-Secret” report.

There was a proposal was submitted that would have had the state government cut 10,000 jobs, put a cap on the amount of pension money being given to any state worker, have them pay a portion of their health care costs, and demand state spending be cut by 10%.

Apparently da worker who submitted that idea was immediately fired and replaced by a new worker paid twice da amount of da fired staffer. Ironically da new employee has da last name “Katz.”

DaTruth is, while this is merely a parody and comedy spoof, da reality is this toll-road toll-hike scheme can also be considered a comedy spoof, da difference is da Corzine plan isn’t funny. Da Corzine plan will force many small businesses out of business, and mid-size businesses may have to relocate out of state. That will force prices up, and along with higher toll prices means WE PAY MORE for goods and services.

DaTruth is, due to da tolling situation folks in just a few counties will bear more of a burden, which is unfair and will probably be fought in court.

And can we stop arresting Steve Lonegan. What does that prove? If you speak out against da Toll-Troll, you get a one-way ticket to da dungeon? You would think da Toll-Troll would have learned something from da Manalapan government that took on da First Amendment and lost - and they used da Manalapan Legal Dream Team!

While you can applaud da Toll-Troll for wanting to do something, daTruth is not making any cuts to da government which caused all of da problems to begin with is just another example of another politician out-of-touch with what da common folk have to deal with and beholden to da politicians who put him in power.

Da best way to stop da Toll-Troll is to make your voice heard. Let every politician know if they support this, they will lose their jobs in Trenton. Go to da Toll-Troll “dog & pony show” when it comes to your county and let da Toll-Troll know they must cut state jobs and state spending first.

Oh, and this is da most important thing daTruthSquad can tell you – whatever you do, whatever you say, under no circumstances --- DO NOT STAND ANYWHERE CLOSE TO STEVE LONEGAN for fear of being arrested like he was.

Let’s hop da Toll-Troll and his Trenton politicians come to their senses. And that’s daTruth.