Will da Manalapan Democrat Candidates Please Stand Up

At one of our recent TruthTeller Pizza and Pasta get togethers, one of our TruthTellers asked a question that left us all puzzled. Da Question was - Who is running against da Yorktowne Club darlings?

We started looking at each other a bit perplexed. We weren't sure at first, but it wasn't until we looked back at the unofficial Monmouth County election records from June that we found these two guys actually won an election, albeit unopposed. We decided to look into their campaign further, and here's what we found.

ISSUE 1: CAMPAIGN WEBSITE. After an exhausting search of a number of internet search engines, we couldn't find any campaign website for the unknown candidates. Their GOP'er challengers Andy Boy and Jordan "Stu" Maskowitz have one. Theirs has pictures and alleged facts and everything. As for da unknown Democratic candidates - Nothing. No websiteto be found, no platform to be found, no nothing to be found. Whatever their "message" is, it's apparently not getting out through the worldwide web.

ISSUE 2: DEMOCRATIC PARTY WEBSITE: An internet search did uncover da website for da Manalapan democrats. We're happy to tell you that indeed da Manalapan Democratic Party has a website. Da bad news, it brings you directly to a very nice smiling picture of former Manalapan Township Committeeman and Mayor Commissar Klauber! Apparently, nobody told them they may want to update that site, especially since nearly 11 months ago, their candidate Commissar lost that election!

ISSUE 3: WHO ARE THESE GUYS: We had to do some digging, but we did determine that da two unknown candidates actually live in Manalapan (unlike questions raised in two other recent elections). While we wouldn't know them if we tripped over them, we are going to give them da benefit of da doubt that they actually know they are running against da GOP'ers. As for their names, some people who comment on this blog have affectionately began referring to them as "Beevis and Butthead." Until they solve da perils of Issue #4, then we'll either refer to them as da mythical cartoon characters or just as "Da Unknown Candidates."

ISSUE 4: ARE THEY CAMPAIGNING? Your guess is as good as ours.

ISSUE 5: THROUGH DONATIONS, CAN THEY AFFORD CAB FARE TO OLD BRIDGE? According to da latest ELEC report for candidate "Beevis", he placed "-0-" in da boxes for "Total Contributions" and "Total Expenditures" in one report, and in another report, admitted to $1,750.00 in "Total Contributions." We also uncovered that $1,500 came via a single check from the "Manalapan Democrats." As for candidate "Butthead," he also had one ELEC report where he said he raised -0- to date, but a subsequent report showed he was able to scratch together $2,000. However, $1,500 of that money also came from one check from da "Manalapan Democrats." Then another subsequent report shows that figure was raised to $3,500.00, but also included a campaign payment of $1312.50 for "signage," paid to someone who appears to have da same name as their party boss.

So da good news is they have cab fare. Da bad news is a big majority of that $$$$ came from da local party and not from da public. Da worse news is both Jordan "Stu" and Andy Boy both each has raised more $$$$$$, and their reports are nicely typed.

ISSUE 6: ELEC REPORTS: Apparently they learned from a certain 2006 candidate that those records probably should be filed. They seem to be up to date, so they get brownie points for following da rules. We will not take off any points for handwriting.

DaTruth is, this election was expected to be fairly quiet anyway, but that would favor da GOP'ers due to da wave of GOP-ness going on in da county. To be fair, one has to remember these candidates were chosen when there was an unwritten alliance in place and da Queen and Mayor Andy Boy were chummy. Unfortunately for da Queen and da Capo di Tutti Capi, that alliance rug was pulled out from under them after da fact, leaving their unknown and apparently underfunded candidates according to da ELEC reports up against da darlings of da Yorktowne Club.

Is it safe to say this could turn out to be a very one-sided election, and potentially a landslide win for da GOP'ers? Da answer to that is --- unless da "Spectacularly Unknown Candidates" actually become candidates and make some noise. Even da Manalapan Democrats website has no info about them as of this date - just about their 2009 candidate - and he lost!

Honestly, we're not even sure if they are going to put up a fight, or even some token resistance. So, in order to make this a more lively election campaign, daTruthSquad is going to go out on a limb here and make a friendly wager with da Unknown Candidates and da Cadre too.

Ready ---

If both da Manalapan Democrat Unknown Candidates defeat both of da Manalapan GOP'ers, then daTruthSquad vows not to blog at all about Manalapan for all of 2011 - one full year - 365 days!

If either "Beevis or Butthead" as some people call them beat current Mayor Andy Boy, then daTruthSquad will not blog about Manalapan for six months!

Knowing da love, admiration, and respect da members of da Cadre show daTruthSquad, then if this friendly wager doesn't get them to actively campaign and try to make an actual election out of this, then nothing will.

Remember, members of da Cadre, if both da Manalapan Democrat Unknown Candidates defeat both of da Manalapan GOP'ers, then daTruthSquad vows not to blog al all about Manalapan for one year! If either "Beevis or Butthead" beat current Mayor Andy Boy, then daTruthSquad will not blog about Manalapan for six months!

Da next move, of course, is up to da Cadre and their candidates. All of a sudden, da stakes for their candidates, and their Queen, just got a whole lot bigger!

And that's daTruth.