Tuesday, November 30, 2010
November's Turkey-BaconHead Is No Surprise
A poll of da TruthTellers at our recent gathering at a secret Route 33 eatery not only had everyone on da same page, but two TruthTellers even went as far as to ask, "Could it be anyone else?"
Back in da day when there was an "alliance" between Land Baron Mayor Andy Boy and da Queen, it was expected he would be reelected this year, and da Queen would in turn get his quiet support next year. Of course, that was then, and with no power sharing anymore, this is now.
This year's election pitted for da Republicans da darlings of da Yorktowne Club, Land Baron Andy Boy and his sidekick, Jordan "Stu" Maskowitz. Their opponents may have been da most spectacularly unqualified competition elections in Manalapan have seen in decades. One was an nice accountant who had vertical challenges, and da other was so young that we were shocked his resume didn't include "beer pong." In da end, they didn't just lose - they lost terribly. And as for their woefully run campaign - they didn't even bother to send in a simple reply to pre-asked questions and their campaign statements by da Asbury Park Press.
Now, with their loss, coupled with a series of political blunders by da Democrats, and da donkey party is a step closer to be home playing Donkey Kong when da 2012 Manalapan Township Committee meetings happen.
That's where da coveted BaconHead Award comes in. As for who deserves it - that's obvious.
Here's da Top 10 reasons our November BaconHead winner gets this month's award:
10. This year's Democratic slogan was "Because We Care." If our BaconHead winner cared so much, he would have made his candidates actually campaign!
9. If he didn't see that da alliance was going to crumble, he needs a much thicker set of glasses.
8. Anyone who makes Steve "Iron Girth" McEnery come across like a political genius deserves to win 2 BaconHeads!
7. Despite knowing more about da GOP'ers than he ever did thanks to da alliance, had to send his wife up to a meeting to make da point of da year about Land Baron Andy Boy's Land Grab.
6. Never send a 22-year old with no political experience to do a political man's job.
5. Four words - "Because We Care - Duh!"
4. At da debate, not only did da GOP'er win, da Democratic so-called candidates even made da former King look bright.
3. Da way this campaign was run, one of our TruthTellers through da actual candidates were former mayors George "Where's My Table" Spodak and Beth "Where's Manalapan Town Hall" Ward.
2. Lawn signs do not a campaign make.
1. All of da blunders together have left da once proud Manalapan Democrats a year away from becoming a politcial afterthought in Manalapan.
DaTruth is, this election raised more questions about da Manalapan Democrats than there were answers. Ask yourself da following questions --- Out of every registered Democrat in Manalapan, Beevis and Butthead were da best you could come up with? You couldn't see da alliance falling before your very eyes? You now leave your own prized Democratic chip in da big game exposed and alone to face da scorn and ridicule with no protection?
That of course is just three of da many questions that were raised at our Route 33 eatery gathering after da election. Now, with da Queen on an island on her own, and next year's election now her's to lose, how do you prepare for what is now expected to be a GOP'er onslaught against da Queen and her time on da Manalapan Township Committee? Should there be a leadership change at da head of da Manalapan Democrats? Should da Queen step down and not run to avoid what could he a historic defeat? Should someone like Lawrence of Manalapan who has been such a good foot soldier for da Manalapan Democrats challenge da Capo for power?
These questions, and many more about da Manalapan Democrats will be answered in an upcoming December edition of daTruthSquad.
Now, as for what we're all waiting for --- for guiding two spectacularly unqualified candidates to a landslide defeat - for waging a campaign of lawn signs and not candidates against da GOP'er darlings of da Yorktowne Club - for believing an alliance with Land Baron Andy Boy and da GOP'ers would last forever - for leaving da Queen hanging out to dry with no protection entering her own election year - and for placing his own political party one election away from not even having a voice at da Manalapan Township Committee table, we give you da November BaconHead Award winner - da Capo di Tutti Capi - da Boss of all Bosses - Gerry "One Bourbon, One Sho and One Beer" Ward --- and we give you this coveted award during da month of Thanksgiving - "Because We Care!"
And that's daTruth.