Tuesday, November 30, 2010

November's Turkey-BaconHead Is No Surprise

A poll of da TruthTellers at our recent gathering at a secret Route 33 eatery not only had everyone on da same page, but two TruthTellers even went as far as to ask, "Could it be anyone else?"

Back in da day when there was an "alliance" between Land Baron Mayor Andy Boy and da Queen, it was expected he would be reelected this year, and da Queen would in turn get his quiet support next year. Of course, that was then, and with no power sharing anymore, this is now.

This year's election pitted for da Republicans da darlings of da Yorktowne Club, Land Baron Andy Boy and his sidekick, Jordan "Stu" Maskowitz. Their opponents may have been da most spectacularly unqualified competition elections in Manalapan have seen in decades. One was an nice accountant who had vertical challenges, and da other was so young that we were shocked his resume didn't include "beer pong." In da end, they didn't just lose - they lost terribly. And as for their woefully run campaign - they didn't even bother to send in a simple reply to pre-asked questions and their campaign statements by da Asbury Park Press.

Now, with their loss, coupled with a series of political blunders by da Democrats, and da donkey party is a step closer to be home playing Donkey Kong when da 2012 Manalapan Township Committee meetings happen.

That's where da coveted BaconHead Award comes in. As for who deserves it - that's obvious.

Here's da Top 10 reasons our November BaconHead winner gets this month's award:

10. This year's Democratic slogan was "Because We Care." If our BaconHead winner cared so much, he would have made his candidates actually campaign!

9. If he didn't see that da alliance was going to crumble, he needs a much thicker set of glasses.

8. Anyone who makes Steve "Iron Girth" McEnery come across like a political genius deserves to win 2 BaconHeads!

7. Despite knowing more about da GOP'ers than he ever did thanks to da alliance, had to send his wife up to a meeting to make da point of da year about Land Baron Andy Boy's Land Grab.

6. Never send a 22-year old with no political experience to do a political man's job.

5. Four words - "Because We Care - Duh!"

4. At da debate, not only did da GOP'er win, da Democratic so-called candidates even made da former King look bright.

3. Da way this campaign was run, one of our TruthTellers through da actual candidates were former mayors George "Where's My Table" Spodak and Beth "Where's Manalapan Town Hall" Ward.

2. Lawn signs do not a campaign make.

1. All of da blunders together have left da once proud Manalapan Democrats a year away from becoming a politcial afterthought in Manalapan.

DaTruth is, this election raised more questions about da Manalapan Democrats than there were answers. Ask yourself da following questions --- Out of every registered Democrat in Manalapan, Beevis and Butthead were da best you could come up with? You couldn't see da alliance falling before your very eyes? You now leave your own prized Democratic chip in da big game exposed and alone to face da scorn and ridicule with no protection?

That of course is just three of da many questions that were raised at our Route 33 eatery gathering after da election. Now, with da Queen on an island on her own, and next year's election now her's to lose, how do you prepare for what is now expected to be a GOP'er onslaught against da Queen and her time on da Manalapan Township Committee? Should there be a leadership change at da head of da Manalapan Democrats? Should da Queen step down and not run to avoid what could he a historic defeat? Should someone like Lawrence of Manalapan who has been such a good foot soldier for da Manalapan Democrats challenge da Capo for power?

These questions, and many more about da Manalapan Democrats will be answered in an upcoming December edition of daTruthSquad.

Now, as for what we're all waiting for --- for guiding two spectacularly unqualified candidates to a landslide defeat - for waging a campaign of lawn signs and not candidates against da GOP'er darlings of da Yorktowne Club - for believing an alliance with Land Baron Andy Boy and da GOP'ers would last forever - for leaving da Queen hanging out to dry with no protection entering her own election year - and for placing his own political party one election away from not even having a voice at da Manalapan Township Committee table, we give you da November BaconHead Award winner - da Capo di Tutti Capi - da Boss of all Bosses - Gerry "One Bourbon, One Sho and One Beer" Ward --- and we give you this coveted award during da month of Thanksgiving - "Because We Care!"

And that's daTruth.

Monday, November 22, 2010

A DaTruthSquad Commenter Who Seems To Have It Right

Recently, a comment left by someone who posted as "Manalapan 1st" left some interesting perspective about da recent Manalapan election, da one-time alliance between da Queen and Land Baron Andy Boy, and what is and what may not be irrelevant. Let's look at what issues "Manalapan 1st" brought up, and what it may mean to Manalapan in da future.

MANALAPAN 1ST - The alliance. Even though nobody in the Republican heirarchy will admit it you were correct about it. It was obvious to everyone there was power sharing toward the end of 2006, 2007, 2008 and 2009 and the start of 2010. It got what each political party wanted. They got to keep power with their top people and those who tried to step in were eliminated. It worked until two Republicans decided they didn't need Roth and Ward sticking their noses where they didn't belong. The Roth's knew it but couldn't get anyone to believe it.

DaTRUTH: More than one person has made da claim that there was not just an alliance created on da two-fold premise of maintaining power between a limited few, but to also combat someone they believed was a common enemy - da Mosked Man. Da Alliance allowed for both da Queen and Land Baron Andy Boy (LBAB) to become mayor, to lay da foundation for da highly publicized "Lawsuit to Nowhere" and da now-infamous First Amendment lawsuit that brought scorn and ridicule to Manalapan. It was inevitable that da alliance would end - it was a matter of who would end it for their own gain. This year, da gain was for LBAB, and he took full advantage. In one fell swoop, he took full power in town, won an election giving his Republicans a majority, made da Queen look bad and her Capo look like an amateur. In this issue, "Manalapan 1st" hits da nail on da head.

MANALAPAN 1ST - The Yorktowne Club. They wanted political power like they once had. They had become irrelevent. They wanted power back. Getting Jordan in was the lynchpin to making that happen, which was why he was selected to run this year, and why Roth became expendible. They never trusted Locricchio or Cohen to do what they were told. Now watch and see as two more members of the Yorktowne Club will run in 2011, and soon the MTC will be dominated by Yorktowne Club members.

DaTRUTH: There was a time when it could have been said da Yorktowne Club was a place where a bunch of old men got together to smoke cigars and reminisce about Ronald Reagan. Now, it appears its leaders have a new agenda - politics. This year, da #1 darling of da Yorktowne Club joined da Manalapan Township Committee, with LBAB, giving da Yorktowne Club membership 40% control of da Manalapan Township Committee. With two seats up in 2011, what are da odds that at least one of those seats are campaigned by a member of da Yorktowne Club? A winning Yorktowne Club member in 2011 will give da Club a majority control fo da entire political order of da town. Not bad, "Manalapan 1st."

MANALAPAN 1ST - You. The alliance made the Transcript irrelevent. The breakup of the alliance made Ward irrelevent. Kathy Barrata and her 3 person blog was irrelevent 2 seconds after she started it. Roth has become irrelevent on the MTC and will be next year as even Don Holland won't come to her rescue. Soon there will be a new leader of the Manalapan Republicans, and even McEnery will become irrelevent. Even though they tried twice and failed both times to get you, don't be surprised if they try again, this time introducing a new blog to go up against (Stu) you.

DaTRUTH: Interesting hypothesis there Manalapan 1st. True, da Snoozer certainly isn't what it used to be. Da alliance ending made da Capo di Tutti Capi seem like a political 2nd grader. It seems like Manalapan 1st was giving too much credit to KB and her site. M-1st also may be on da mark about da Queen and Farmer Don. With da Manalapan Republicans on a winning streak, da job of Iron Girth McEnery seems intact for now. Then, there's da "new blog to go up against" daTruthSquad.

DaTruth is, we at daTruthSquad always welcome new bloggers to da blogisphere. If "Manalapan 1st" wants to be a new blog, we would be happy to have you. There's always room for everyone's opinions.

MANALAPAN 1ST - If Roth is smart she'd not even bother to run in 2011. Nobody would be foolish enough to run with her. Much like Lucas she has chewed up and spit out those who ran with her and the Democrat dominance in Manalapan is now a distant memory as her power has been stripped to nothing. On January 1, 2012, there will be 5 Republicans on the MTC.

DaTRUTH: This was a very interesting scenario. True, da Queen is up for reelection next year, and equally true, unless Lawrence of Manalapan runs with her she'd probably be hard pressed to find someone who would think da Queen would have their back for three actual years. Add to this da fact that da Democratic Party in both this town and this county are as about as demoralized and beaten down worst than in long memory, then da likelihood da Queen will win in 2011 is as likely as Glenn Beck saying Ronald Reagan was a Socialist and President Obama is the best President we've ever had - and Bill Clinton was a close second.

Maybe "Manalapan 1st" is onto something here. If I were da Queen (who's to say), maybe da best thing she can do is not run in 2011, and let da Capo di Tutti Capi, da Boss of all Bosses Gerry "Anyone spectacularly unqualified want to run as a Democrat this year?" Ward pick another two spectacularly unqualified candidates that da Manalapan GOP can mop up da floor with. Maybe times will be better for Democrats in 2012 in da presidential and congressional election year - and da Queen can seize that.

DaTruth is, da Queen has serious concerns for running in 2011. Da Manalapan GOP smells so much blood in da water that there they feel like it's an "All You Can Eat Democrat Buffet." Add to this da way they recently beat down da two garage sale afterthoughts Gerry Ward dragged up from his basement to run against da establishment GOP, you can only imagine how he'll top his election Blunder of 2010. Now, add to that da arch enemy of da Manalapan GOP is running in 2011, and you know they will pull out every rabbit from their GOP hat to demoralize da Queen.

Finally, we would be honored if more blogs enter da Manalapan blogisphere. As both we and da rest of da blog writing world has shown, and despite comments from a certain former Snoozer editor, blogs and blogging isn't going away - it isn't a fad - and bloggers are not just a bunch of malcontents or people who "pull da wings off flies" or "dry gulchers." We are in fact da people who bring you da news of da new millennium. We have surpassed weekly coupon clippers as da place where people can get their news, and in many cases, we have da news before real actual newspapers do - and discuss that news and information in an honest forum open to debate without fear of retribution or scorn - and we are equally proud and honored to provide this service "For All Da People."

So, if you are really interested in blogging, on our website you will find links from da Electronic Frontier Foundation on blogger's rights, because da last thing you want is from some town's politicians to try to take your First Amendment rights away.

And that daTruth.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Maybe This Is Why Da Anti-Pedophile Ordinance Should NOT Have Been Repealed

We can remember back in 2005 when a candidate running for Manalapan Township Committee came up with an idea for creating an anti-pedophile ordinance in town. Sounded like a good idea at da time. Even wound up passing unanimously and becoming da law of Manalapan-land, and even became a model that other towns used when they set up their own anti-pedophile ordinances.

However, there were some that decided to make this ordinance to protect kids a political football, even getting da local Snoozepaper to do an expose on exactly which streets in senior citizen-land Covered Bridge would not be covered by da ordinance where pedophiles who go after children could live and not live.

Now, Manalapan does not have to worry, because da powers that be knew what they were doing. Don't they always? Now since da Manalapan Township Committee decided to repeal that law, it means that any pedophile can live and go where they please in da town we readers love so dear. They cannot be barred from living near these places like libraries, schools or day care centers, or places where kids congregate.

At one time, there was a challenge to da Manalapan law by a guy who thought it would be a novel idea to at one time, as da Asbury Park Press newspaper described as having a little weekend of "bondage with an 11-year old boy." He had just been sprung from da stockade and wanted to move back home with his parents, who just happened to live in Manalapan near da library where, much to some who may be surprised, kids have a propensity to go to. He tried to challenge da very law that daTruthSquad has been told was devised and put together by da-then 2005 Manalapan Township Attorney, some legal-eagle named Da Mosked Man. He gave up on his challenge when it was revealed that da law was so well written that he could lose, and he moved to a lovely place in Asbury Park.

Too bad that law was repealed by da Manalapan Township Committee, because wouldn't it be a shock if, hypothetically of course, some guy wound up being arrested for viewing kiddie porn.

Too bad that law was repealed by da Manalapan Township Committee, because wouldn't it be a shock if, hypothetically of course, some guy who was viewing kiddie porn was arrested in Asbury Park.

Too bad that law was repealed by da Manalapan Township Committee, because wouldn't it be a shock if, hypothetically of course, some guy viewing kiddie porn was arrested in Asbury Park did so in a public library!

Too bad that law was repealed by da Manalapan Township Committee, because wouldn't it be a shock if, hypothetically of course, some guy viewing kiddie porn was arrested in Asbury Park did so in a public library and just happened to be a convicted sex offender.

Too bad that law was repealed by da Manalapan Township Committee, because wouldn't it be a shock if, hypothetically of course, some guy viewing kiddie porn was arrested in Asbury Park did so in a public library and just happened to be a convicted sex offender who just happened to be da very same guy who once tried to live in Manalapan

Too bad that law was repealed by da Manalapan Township Committee, because wouldn't it be a shock if, hypothetically of course, some guy viewing kiddie porn was arrested in Asbury Park did so in a public library and just happened to be a convicted sex offender who just happened to be da very same guy who once tried to live in Manalapan and challenge da law da Mosked Man wrote and gave up and moved to Asbury Park.


Imagine how you'd feel as a Manalapan parent knowing this same guy - or any guy - could have been taking a gander at some kiddie porn while in da Manalapan library? It's a revolting thought, right?

Da good news is something this heinous didn't happen in Manalapan. Da bad news - In this case, it happened in Asbury Park because a law not allowing pedophiles to live near da library didn't allow this man to live in town - and - there's a Manalapan connection!

Da Asbury Park Press, and not da local Snoozepaper who checked this out wrote "Detective Capt. Anthony Salerno said that Lawrence J. Cohen of Sixth Avenue was being held in the Monmouth County Jail in lieu of $70,000 bail. Salerno said Cohen was observed viewing the child pornography Monday afternoon and when he returned to the library on Tuesday, he was identified and arrested."

But wait, there's more.

Da newspaper says that da police took this extremely seriously and da reason is because this guy wasn't looking at want-ads or checking out travel websites. Apparently he was witnessed checking out sites that would make any parent of a young child toss their cookies! Da newspaper says "What was seen by a reporting patron was nudity, children and bondage," Salerno said. "This guy has a history of targeting young children. In this case we didn't wait, because as far as we're concerned, he is a child predator."

Note da words --- looking at "Bondage," "History of targeting young children," "he is a child predator."

Imagine if this happened in Manalapan?

How dangerous was this fellow? Da newspaper writes "A kindergarten teacher at a public school in Brooklyn at the time, he was apprehended because the boy he thought he was making arrangements to meet was a police officer posing as a child in an Internet chat room. When Cohen arrived at a motel in Wall, arresting officers found he had brought a car trunk full of bondage gear, according to news reports. Later, police found similar restraining devices in his desk at his school."

That's right - da same guy who was not able to live in Manalapan because of a recently-repealed law was a one time teacher who had bondage equipment in his desk at a school according to da newspaper!

Concern you yet?

DaTruth is, this guy who tried to lure what he thought was an 11 year old boy to a motel in Monmouth County for a sexual bondage escapade could have been living within walking distance of da Manalapan library if it were not for a former law called "Miracle's Law" that kept Manalapan kids safe for a few years and didn't allow someone like this guy to move back into Manalapan, but instead was repealed for some strange reason.

Why was it repealed last year?

Well, let's hope that in da future, if this guy ever does see da light of day outside of a jail, that he doesn't come back to Manalapan and live near da library here - because legally now - he can.

DaTruth is, there were those who challenged laws similar to da one Manalapan had, and it was feared that Manalapan's law would also be challenged and da taxpayers would foot da bill. Ironically, those who voted to not have Manalapan taxpayers foot da bill for this were some of da same ones who voted to file da "Lawsuit to Nowhere," known as "Da Township of Manalapan vs da Mosked Man" and spent what Land Baron Mayor Andy Boy said at da time was over "$100,000" on da case - even before it was a year old!

DaTruth is, some other town's laws were so poorly written and not as expertly written as da Manalapan ordinance that a legal challenge could be mounted due to da language of da ordinances. Now, ask yourself why in da Manalapan challenge da pedophile guy gave up on his challenge? Could it be because of da specific language of da ordinance that other towns copied because it was so well legally written.

Well, without da law that was called "Miracle's Law" that was so expertly written by former Manalapan Township Attorney da Mosked Man, if he or any other folks like this decide to move into Manalapan, or go near a day care center, or hang out in a library, now there's nothing legal to stop them - thanks to da upstanding members of da 2009 Manalapan Township Committee who voted in favor to repeal this ordinance.

Now, to be fair, they may tell you that was da legal advice they were given. Where have we heard that one before???? If that's da case, then where were da elected officials to question this? Why no second opinion from an expert in da field? If one town repeals theirs - should every?

DaTruth is, we all owe a debt of thanhs to da fine men and women of da Asbury Park Police Department, and da vigilant person who saw enough to report to police what was being viewed in a public library by a guy who at one time thought nothing wrong of having a bondage weekend with an 11-year old boy. Let's all be greatful and thankful he was apprehended before any child could be placed in harm's way. And let's be thankful it didn't happen in da Manalapan library.

And, if you have young children, let's all remain vigilant and let's keep a closer eye on them. We can't always trust politicians to protect our most precious gift.

And that's daTruth.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Da Winners and Bigger Losers In Da Election of 2010

It Was Theirs To Lose - And Da Democrats In Manalapan Lost Huge!

Despite a Republican revolution sweeping da nation, Democrats have spoken in District 6 and 12 where Little Anna fell to Frank What's His Name despite being seriously outspent and Scott Sipprelle's $$$$$ lost to Rush Holt. There were really no surprises in those races. What was surprising, maybe, was da hard veer to da right on da ballots that brought home a victory to Land Baron Andy Boy and Jordan "Stu" Moskowitz in Manalapan by a landslide.

So, in this election, let's rate da biggest winner and loser.

WINNER: Land Baron Andy Boy. Only in Manalapan can you get nailed by da major newspaper Asbury Park Press for ethical land issues, people find out da sitting mayor may be looking at a taxpayer-funded million + $$$$$$$$$ payday, and yet he wins his election in a landslide! Ironically, he can't even thank his own GOP'er chairman. He actually owes his victory to da Capo di Tutti Capi, da Boss of all Bosses, da Democratic Chairman! How? Keep reading.

LOSER: Manalapan Democratic Chairman Gerry "One Bourbon - One Scotch and One Beer" Ward. Only in Manalapan can you be handed da goose that lays da golden egg, it keeps on laying more golden eggs, yet you still find new and improved ways lose by a landslide! How? Keep reading.

How is it that da top of da election ticket could win, yet da bottom of da ticket with all da positive newspaper coverage and everything they had going for them lost by a landslide? We put da TruthTellers to work on this following our annual election night Chinese food extravaganza, and here's what we came up with:


When you make a deal with da devil, unless you're wearing teflon mittens & booties you're going to get burned. In late-2006, da alliance first exposed by daTruthSquad between da Queen and da Land Baron came about, and for nearly 4 years they were able to keep power between them, file a no chance of winning lawsuit to nowhere against their arch enemy at taxpayer expense and even put together one of da single biggest tax increases in town history. In 2007, two spectacularly unqualified Democratic candidates ran against Andy Boy and lost, and in 2008 two spectacularly unqualified GOP'er candidates ran and lost against da Queen. So, as expected, two unbelievably spectacularly unqualified candidates were placed on da dinner table as sacrificial lambs by da Democrats, who didn't know da alliance was going to fall apart at da hands of da GOP'ers. Fault - da Manalapan Municipal Democratic Chairman for not seeing da ethics through da trees.


Who did da Manalapan Municipal Democratic Chairman choose to run against da darlings of da Yorktowne Club? One was a guy that when you said "Please stand up," he replies "I already am." Da other guy is barely removed from pimple cream. One guy you can't see even if he's teetering on top of 8 New York City phone books, and da other guy says he had "experience" to do da job. What experience? Beer pong? There's a reason we called them da "Unknown Candidates" and commenters here even called them "Beevis and Butthead." Ask yourself this -

Did they campaign? You have to question that considering da size of da loss. Did they do everything they needed to do to win? They were handed da election by da Asbury Park Press yet still lost by a landslide. Did they do everything they could to win? They didn't even bother to send in information about themselves to da Asbury Park Press when they reviewed da candidates, leaving da newspaper to even write that they didn't send in information!

One word - LEADERSHIP. Three words - THERE WAS NONE.


When you look back at this election, you saw da Queen pointing out da ethics issues of da Great Manalapan Land Grab of 2010. You saw Curious George Spodak rumbling up to da seat / table / microphone stand in search of a table to lay down his evidence and make point after point. You even saw a special guest appearance by former Mayor Beth Ward who made da single most important point of da great Manalapan Land Grab of 2010. You had Lawrence of Manalapan on sign detail among other things. Hmmmmm, lets see - who is missing here????

That's right - da unknown candidates! Known as "Beevis & Butthead" by some commenters to this site, wherever they were, they were not acting like candidates. And, take it from someone who knows a few things about running successful and winning election campaigns - unless you have candidates who act like candidates, look like candidates, campaign like candidates, shake hands like candidates, go door to door like candidates and meet and greet people like candidates, it's hard to win a campaign. We have been telling you all along that we wouldn't have known those guys if we tripped over them. Needless to say, voters didn't trip during this campaign because there was nothing to fall over. Although this may sound a lot like 2007, these guys could have lived in Freehold and we would never have known.


Thanks to what may have been da single worst campaign in Manalapan history in memory, da GOP'ers will enter 2011 with a 3-2 majority, "Lyin" Ryan Green will become da next mayor. Da Queen will be on an island by herself and will spend 2011 facing a Republican team drooling to lay da worst landslide on her too. DaTruthSquad has also learned there has been some feather ruffling between some members of da Cadre over who is right and who is wrong. This election has left a much stronger Manalapan GOP now led by Land Baron Andy Boy and a much weaker Manalapan Democratic machine which seems like it's 11 cogs shy of a dozen.


Da good news out of this election is we don't have to fulfill our promise that if da two spectacularly unqualified Democrats won in Manalapan, that we would stop blogging about Manalapan for one year thanks to their landslide loss. Da bad news for politicians who do wrong is that this blog will not stop blogging about Manalapan or anyplace else, and for that you can thank da Capo di Tutti Capi, da Boss of all Bosses Gerry "One Bourbon - One Shot and One Beer" Ward for quite possibly running da worst campaign in town history.

DaTruth here is, maybe da real winners here are Land Baron Andy Boy who won by a landslide despite ethical challenges and will keep control of Manalapan, and Lyin Ryan who will in all liklihood become mayor of Manalapan in 2011, with "Mayor" Jordan "Stu" in 2012. Da real loser here may actually be da Queen, who because of her leader's miscalculations will now have to fight by herself for da little breadcrumbs da new Gang of Three will feed to her. She is up for election next year, and a strong united GOP'er team should be able to do to her what they did to da Unknown Candidates of 2011. Da big question is - what will da Queen of Manalapan do now - and what should she do? That is something we at daTruthSquad are pondering.

One thing is for certain - we will have to give a closer look at what this election loss means for da Cadre and their Democrats, and what 2011 will really bring. For that, you'll have to wait for da next daTruthSquad - coming soon.

And that's daTruth.