Wednesday, April 27, 2011
It's The "Strange Bedfellow" Manalapan Election of 2011
The big news of the election season in Manalapan was da fact that Land Baron Mayor Andy Boy, who just got himself reappointed mayor again was going to run for Monmouth County Freeloader (he lost that election once before) before he was rebuffed by da County GOP'er big cheeses, run for da new District 12 State Senate before he was rebuffed by da guy who will be running for it, run for da new District 12 State Assembly before da County GOP basically laughed that one off too, and then of course in effect actually ran out of things to run for this year. This leaves us with da slate of candidates for da Manalapan Township Committee this year -- and even we must admit it may be one of da better slate of candidates on both sides in a very long time - and one that will produce massive amounts of fireworks to be fair and to be sure.
DA MANALAPAN GOP'ERS:
Running for da Manalapan Republicans is former Manalapan Township committeewoman Susan Cohen and current committeeguy Farmer Don Holland.
Cohen is probably the best breath of fresh air to hit da Manalapan Township Committee since da Mosked Man was a member of it. She has all da positive credentials you need, all da personality you want, and almost assuredly all da dedication to da job you desire in both a candidate and a member of da governing body. Of course, she does have a negative next to her that could be exploited in da campaign - she was once censured by da very same Manalapan Township Committee she is running for -- a vote brought to da floor by none other than current Mayor for Life Andy Boy, a fellow GOP'er.
Farmer Don Holland won 3 years ago when he ran with da Queen as a Democrat. Not only did he change parties and become a GOP'er (da second time a Roth running mate has left da Democrats) but he did so by burning down da house, burning da bridge to da house, and then starting another fire after that one was put out to make sure everything burned as he left da Democrats. In not so many words, he challenged da motives and leadership of da people who run da Manalapan Democrats (da Queen and Gerry "One Bourbon, One Scotch & One Beer" Ward) as he turned his back on them. To be fair, his points were very valid, and much like Mr. Anthony Gennaro who once ran with da Queen and then abdicated da Democrats, he had more than enough reasons. He's also been a very nice breath of fresh farm air on da Committee and has that rare combination of both chutpah and character, and he's not afraid to stand up to party bosses.
DA MANALAPAN DEMOCRATS:
Running for da Manalapan Democrats is unknown attorney Seth Ptasiewicz and da Queen of Manalapan Committeewoman Michelle Roth.
Usually when you walk into a court room you have as an attorney a pretty good idea of what you are walking into. You usually either know the judge or you've researched their record. Since attorney Seth Ptasiewicz is an unknown, we did some digging and it seems like this guy isn't a bad egg at all, which of course begs da question - does he know what he's getting himself into? He's a pretty capable attorney who seems to be liked by people, has a good track record in da legal profession as checked out in our handy dandy legal database of NJ attorneys. He's no Mosked Man when it comes to legal experience, but he is licensed to practice law in New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania, his specialty is Labor & Employment law which could come handy on da Township Committee, been a member of da NJ Bar in good standing since 1994 and New York before that, and has no blemishes we can find thus far. Interestingly, he will be da 4rd running mate for da Queen since 2004 (Beth "Bare Knuckles" Ward doesn't count unless she's attempting to pick a fight with someone at a town hall meeting, one left da Democrats after just 2 months and da other left da Democrats after two years but that second year you can tell he wasn't da Queen's lap dog anymore). Oh, and da guy whose last name you probably can't pronounce has worked as an ethics attorney too (you can't make that stuff up)! Pairing da Queen with an ethics attorney --- doesn't that give you visions of placing da finger in da holy water and it starts to boil?
Then, of course, you have da Queen. She brings with her more political baggage than can be found at Newark, Kennedy, Atlanta, LAX and O'Hare Airports combined. She brings with her more political drama than Imelda Marcos has shoes. She was lurking behind da scenes when Manalapan sued da Mosked Man (we all know how that turned out), when Manalapan decided to try to void da First Amendment and went after daTruthSquad (boy do we all know how that turned out and got worldwide attention), went after da symphony leader, da Manalapan Rec leader debacle, da Manalapan Police Chief, et al. Now, she's da target of one lawsuit that got settled and another that seems to have a long way to go, and da Mosked Man's lawsuit that also has some distance to go before da Mosked Man most likely becomes a wealthy guy. Of course there are positives for da Queen - personally she's lost some weight and looks much more svelte, but politically we can't think of anything.
DaTruth is, this potential battle royal now pairs former running mates (Roth & Holland) who are now on opposite sides of da table and are now rivals, a virtual unknown in Seth Ptasiewicz who appears from a legal standpoint not to be like another former member of da Township Committee who claimed to practice law, a person of absolute moral clarity and cares more for da town that she may care for herself in Susan Cohen who was censured by her once-friend then once-rival Andy Boy because she attempted to do da unthinkable - think for herself and do right by da town, and in da Queen, maybe da most polarizing figure in Manalapan political history.
And, to be fair, let's not forget da stakes in this election.
At stake is either a super-majority of all GOP'ers and absolutely NO Democrats on da 2012 Manalapan Township Committee, da potential end to da reign of Manalapan Democratic leader Gerry "One Bourbon, One Shot & One Beer" Ward who just 7 years ago himself had a 5-0 super-majority, nobody involved in Manalapan politics named "Roth," and a feather for da cap of Manalapan GOP'er leader and current Sewer Rat (Commissioner) Steve "Iron Girth" McEnery.
Will da Queen be forced to abdicate her throne? Will a former running mate take her down? Will common sense prevail and Susan Cohen be brought back "For All Da People?" Will yet another attorney become a member of da Manalapan Township Committee? Will this makk da end as Commissar for Gerry Ward as Manalapan Democratic leader? Will Larry Roth become da new head of da Manalapan Democrats in a power struggle? Will Manalapan become da Medical Marijuana capital of New Jersey? Will we see an emergence of da "No MegaMallers?" Will da Village ever be built? Is there a "Birther" issue in Manalapan's future? Is there a political office Andy Boy hasn't run for yet? Will da Manalapan Patch join daTruthSquad as da only internet trusted sources for information in Manalapan? Will there be controversy in this year's Manalapan election? How much money will former Manalapan Police Chief Stu Brown settle for in da "Rage-Gate" case? How much will da Mosked Man settle for in his defamation case? Will Manalapan residents be on da hook in any of these alleged politically motivated cases?
Oh, what a year this will be in Manalapan politics - to be sure.
And that's daTruth!
And, as for da BaconHead, this month we give that honor to Republicans who actually when polled put Donald Trump at da head of who they would vote for against President Obama in 2012. Let's face reality here -- only in America can a reality show guy who has been involved at least by name with bankrupted businesses and while da country digs out of da worst recession since da great Depression get people to believe that a question about a birth certificate was more important than $5 dollar gas price. Maybe he should run for Manalapan Township Committee instead?