Sunday, January 20, 2008

Where Did Da Missing Pages From Da Super-Secret Plan Go?

(a parody of da Corzine “Hike da tolls 800% + plan)

As we all know by now, New Jersey’s amazingly out-of-touch Governator Toll-Troll Corzine has decided da best way to handle a near-bankrupt state is to not cut da spending, but instead force everyone to pony up more money to pay for da politician’s spending sprees.

As daTruthSquad discovered, thanks to da Star Ledger, while Middlesex and Monmouth Counties will pay 29% of da 800% toll increases according to EZ Pass records as shown by da Star Ledger, residents of Salem, Sussex & Warren County will shoulder a combined 0.8% of da toll hikes!

Now, daTruthSquad and da TruthTellers got wind of some other ways Toll Troll Corzine had to fix da state’s budget woes. That information was smuggled out of Trenton and found its way into da hands of daTruthSquad. Let’s see what ideas Toll-Troll Corzine decided to not use:

** A special tax on Republicans. It was proposed that any registered GOP’ers would have to pay an extra 2% of their income, but since there aren’t that many GOP’ers, da idea was scrapped.

** Selling da naming rights of all NJ roads. It would have happened, until da folks at a certain Chocolate company demanded to rename Route 1 “Da Hershey Highway.”

** Selling da naming rights to state politicians. While da Toll-Troll administration had no problems with with a billionaire paying to rename Assemblyman Declan O’Candidate “Dork-lan,” da idea was scrapped when a rich member of Gay Women’s Alliance wanted to rename Senator Ray Lesniak “Les-bian,” and a rich GOP’er wanted to rename Governor Corzine “Pathological Liar.”

** Da Bush Administration put da brakes on a proposal to sell da naming rights to da state. It was feared “Western Saudi Arabia” would not sell well with da state’s Jewish community.

** There were rumors of placing a tax on using bathrooms on da Jersey toll roads and adding a “surcharge” for da use of toilet paper. That idea got flushed.

** A proposal was made to “surcharge” anyone convicted of a crime and have the criminal pay all court costs. That was defeated unanimously by Democrats fearing individually they may have to burden most of that tax.

** There was another proposal to tax anyone who was simply arrested for no reason. Republicans demanded that be removed, as it would be unfair to Steve Lonegan.

** There was a proposal for a “Birth Tax” on anyone being born in New Jersey. However, NJ hospitals feared they would lose patients to out-of-state hospitals, and da Democrats feared da next step would be a new “Death Tax.”

** Unbeknownst to Democratic leaders, Corzine also had in his super-secret plans a “Death Tax.” It would tax anyone who died in NJ. When Democrats got wind of that idea, they feared it would include politicians who were “dead-up-from-da-neck-up,” so it was dead on arrival.

Other ideas included a special “surcharge” for anyone named “Steve Lonegan,” demanding anyone not working a state job or receiving state benefits pay an extra $2,500 per year just to live in NJ, and a special tax on anyone making over $15 per hour, unless they voted Democrat in the past 2 elections.

There were also a couple of other proposals that were mysteriously not in da Corzine “Super-Secret” report.

There was a proposal was submitted that would have had the state government cut 10,000 jobs, put a cap on the amount of pension money being given to any state worker, have them pay a portion of their health care costs, and demand state spending be cut by 10%.

Apparently da worker who submitted that idea was immediately fired and replaced by a new worker paid twice da amount of da fired staffer. Ironically da new employee has da last name “Katz.”

DaTruth is, while this is merely a parody and comedy spoof, da reality is this toll-road toll-hike scheme can also be considered a comedy spoof, da difference is da Corzine plan isn’t funny. Da Corzine plan will force many small businesses out of business, and mid-size businesses may have to relocate out of state. That will force prices up, and along with higher toll prices means WE PAY MORE for goods and services.

DaTruth is, due to da tolling situation folks in just a few counties will bear more of a burden, which is unfair and will probably be fought in court.

And can we stop arresting Steve Lonegan. What does that prove? If you speak out against da Toll-Troll, you get a one-way ticket to da dungeon? You would think da Toll-Troll would have learned something from da Manalapan government that took on da First Amendment and lost - and they used da Manalapan Legal Dream Team!

While you can applaud da Toll-Troll for wanting to do something, daTruth is not making any cuts to da government which caused all of da problems to begin with is just another example of another politician out-of-touch with what da common folk have to deal with and beholden to da politicians who put him in power.

Da best way to stop da Toll-Troll is to make your voice heard. Let every politician know if they support this, they will lose their jobs in Trenton. Go to da Toll-Troll “dog & pony show” when it comes to your county and let da Toll-Troll know they must cut state jobs and state spending first.

Oh, and this is da most important thing daTruthSquad can tell you – whatever you do, whatever you say, under no circumstances --- DO NOT STAND ANYWHERE CLOSE TO STEVE LONEGAN for fear of being arrested like he was.

Let’s hop da Toll-Troll and his Trenton politicians come to their senses. And that’s daTruth.


Anonymous said...

I live in Sussex and I find your blog very detailed. No TV or newspaper investigative reporters are as good as you in this State.

I find your information timely and accurate. I enjoy when you cover state issues like this. Keep up the great work.

A fed up NJ resident

Nick in Linden, NJ said...

I've been following your blog since I first heard about in in the Linden forum when those pathetic politicians were trying to take your free speech away.

This is the best blog around. This was funny as $&#T.

Keep it up Squad!

lightshines said...

Now that the County has tried to out-Corzine Corzine in raising taxes, word has spread all the way to Texas, where a bunch of fellows sat around the campfire thinking about yellow roses and singing the ballad of Billy Barham:

There's a Guvnor raising Taxes, that’s who I’d like to be,
Nobody else could raise them, not half as much as me.
You tried to make me leave here, but before you even start,
If I raise them more than e’er, we nevermore will part.

It’s the crispest smell of revenue
This county ever knew
You’ll have to sell your diamonds
And the house you live in too
You may talk about what used to be
And sing of McGreevey
But with me and Corzine, Taxes
Will fund our spending spree.

When the Navesink is flowing, and things are really tight,
You’ll walk along the river in the quiet summer night:
I know that you remember, it was not so long ago,
When quality ran our government and the State could really grow.

Oh now I'm counting taxes, as we rake in all your dough,
And we'll think about the prosperous times, that we had long ago
We'll watch your property values sink as we tax you rich and poor,
And we’ll all keep raising taxes which you’ll pay forevermore.

Anonymous said...

Funny stuff. I fear that considering what this fool of a governor has done to us so far, some of those ideas may have been real.

Changing Times said...

Since Monmouth and Middlesex county residents will bear the brunt of the toll increases. I think that to be fair Jon Corzine needs to find a way to equitably distribute the burden.

There is always another option, Jon Corzine can open his own check book and write NJ a large check or float the state a loan.

Jon Corzine keeps this up and the only people that can afford to stay in NJ are the mega millionaires or the very poor that are susidized by the state.

The rest of us will have to move.

Owning a home, having a good job is the American Dream. Just not if you live in NJ where it costs more for everything, from the highest property taxes in the country to cost of a bag of groceries. If Jon Corzine has his way we will pay the highest tolls too.

a fed up NJ resident said...

Well said Changing Times. When I first read this blog I thought the ideas were very funny. Then I began to realize this toll scheme of Corzine's is funny too. The datruthsquad is right. Making all of us pay for Trenton's mistakes while Trenton bears no brunt of having to tighten their belts is laughable. It's also a sin.

I'm a registered Democrat and I vow this. I will never vote for any Democrat who votes for Corzine's scheme, and I will purposely vote for whoever is the opponent of anyone who votes for it. That's the way I will get my voice heard since I'm not a multimillionaire like Corzine and his buddies.

Raj from Edison, NJ said...

If Datruthsquad is right and this Corzine scheme does jam it on Middlesex County residents like me and gives other counties a free pass then a class-action lawsuit is justified. I'll sign up. I'm a lefelong Democrat but Corzine's a joke.